Why are you single? Real question, where your man at? Write a blog about that. We need this mystery explained. Give us the truth….
I remember one day I was walking through the airport, can’t remember where I was going, but I watched a lady walk pass me with her shoulders out. She was white, and she had a short blonde haircut with sunglasses on. Her lenses were black. She had on a grey tank top as well. On the back of her shoulder was a tattoo in a small georgia looking font. The quote read, “Alone…maybe, but carefree”. I may have forgotten the date and the location of the airport, however I never forgot that tattoo. I challenge you to remember this quote til the end of this post. It’ll come in handy.
I feel like all women at some point in their lives, want the super big, special engagement that makes it to The Shaderoom #TSRProposals. I’ve thought of it before. It seems dope af. But when I look at the reality of things and besides doin’ it for the gram, I’ve concluded that I’ll probably be single forever.
You guys have already read about some of my experiences with dating in the Never Trust A Big Butt & A Smile and Why Nice Guys Finish Last series. As I mentioned, I feel like I’ve pretty much came across them all. No matter the size, appearance, weight, complexion and occupation, I’ve probably met them before. I tread lightly with the word “dated”, so met will do.
I’m at a point in my life where I think I’m a bit too realistic, so much so that I try to skip pass the “honeymoon phase” of conversing with a person.
I have a love/hate relationship with the honeymoon phase for many reasons. The phase feels amazing while you’re in it because you’ve somehow imagined 5 years with this person. Listen to me, yall done had kids, got married and traveled on about 4 different baecations. That honeymoon phase will have you on cloud nine floating for months if you’re not aware of it. The basic concept of this phase is that you and your potential bae will be forever smitten and in love with one another. In the honeymoon phase there aren’t any disagreements, compromising is super easy, you’re both interested and willing to learn everything about each other, sharing is caring, being clingy is normal and you may not even feel insecure. Ladies wanna sleep with they wigs on and the dudes try to control their snoring. Wild shit. That honeymoon phase will have you acting real unusual, in my haha davis voice. I been that girl caught up bad in that honeymoon stage before, that’s how I know. A nigga can dead play you for a fool if you not paying close attention. And a female can definitely finesse tf out of you if you got them pockets wide open. It’s not all games though. I mean there may be some couples who make the honeymoon phase a lifetime thing. Kudos to them. Anybody I date will not have that phased long lived, sorry to that man. Like I said before I’m just too realistic to believe this to be a “thing”.
Could I be getting in my own way with this thinking? I’ve asked myself this question often, because it can’t always be them (the guy I’m conversing with at the moment). It may just be me. I like to let things feel good when they do feel good, just not at the expense of being naive. What I mean by this is that: I know no human on this Earth is perfect, we will disagree, we may argue, I may not want to share my wings and I love being alone. I can’t imagine really having kids even though I think about it and I may just be that wife that has a secret house because I like sleeping in my own bed lol.
Yall know my saying by now, I’m gonna keep it real, raw and uncut. I’ve met some guys who I ideally thought would be a great partner yet it was bad timing. They might’ve been in a relationship so we became great friends, with boundaries of course, out of respect for their situation. They might’ve been down financially which affected what they thought of themselves, believing they wouldn’t make a good partner for me. Some be going through it and be having a lot of things going on in their personal life which prohibits them from focusing their attention on me. I can’t do anything but respect it. It is what it is. And then there are some times that I just don’t have the energy it takes to make something work. Dating is a whole job, morning to night and most of the time it doesn’t feel organic. Some conversations be forced, and mf’s don’t really be giving af about what you want to talk about. Wanting to hear about a person’s day is only interesting for so long and besides that you’re probably getting “good morning, wyd, and how are you’ed” to death. For those times when it did feel organic however, like I mentioned, the timing was terrible. None of this is to complain or sound negative because dating can be just as fun. And I’ve met some awesome people that I’ve had fun and amazing conversations with. Which is why I’m liking the solo life right now. Set aside from those factors though, I know that there are some toxic behaviors that I have to work on if I’m going to be out here casually meeting people and trying to give them chances. Yall should know me by now; I be rooting for the guys so I always say: it’s not all yall fault that shit don’t be working.
A couple months ago, I stumbled across a post I found on an instagram page for the poppin black girl, @blackgrlthings. I commented “curve girl” and my bestfriend commented right behind me agreeing that this was definitetly me.
♥ The Curve Queen ♥
Now in my previous posts, I mentioned everything the nice guy was doing to turn off a descent woman because they were being too nice, if you will. But like the caption under the post says, we are definitely not excluded from any conversation about toxic behaviors and those behaviors could very well contribute to why some of us are still single.
Some females commented saying they were more than one toxic type and some didn’t agree with any. If I’m speaking on my self I’m going to have to own that “Curve Queen”. Sure, there’s some blended qualities from the other types of toxic females listed, but the “Curve Queen” is absolutely most fitting. The qualities of the Curve Queen are listed below:
The Curve Queen:
♥ Great personality and fun af
♥ No one ever knows who they’ve dated
♥ Barely replies to texts
♥ Always busy when you want to hang out
♥ We should link
I am quite sure that by now, I have probably missed out on a few good things with these terrible habits. I’m the one who will be very consistent in the beginning but will suddenly ghost you out of being busy. I really do be busy. But if I’m being completely honest with myself as well as with yall, it’s probably due to lack of interest. When I wrapped up the finale of Why Nice Guys Finish Last , I emphasized the importance of being able to stimulate your partner mentally. For some of us can’t truly survive dealing with a person just off of dates alone. That shit gets boring, hate to be so blunt about it but I’m just keeping it trill. For some of us it isn’t about the amount of money you have or about the kind of car you drive, yet more so about your ability to turn us on without the physical touch. When I first started my blog, I mentioned how I felt (personally), that my personality made me much more attractive than my looks did. I do love myself and I think I’m beautiful, I just know my personality is bomb and to add, I’m a good person by nature. I love being able to make people feel human and accepted, which I believe is one of the best qualities about myself. I’ll make fun out of anything, as some like to take life too serious. I find it quite humorous to enjoy every aspect of life no matter how hard the punches can be. I love being private. I learned the hard way a couple years back, not to kiss and tell. That’s not literally, but you’re able to really focus more on your partner when everyone isn’t in your business with their opinions. I wouldn’t say I’m the best texter, or phone person even. My friends call me “the call backer” because I tend to miss calls and have to call back lol. It’s not on purpose, my phone is just always on silent. You can count on me to have 80 unread messages and I don’t even know why. In person conversations always been the vibe to me, the conversation has to be worth it though. I’m busy period. Next, I’ll ask to hang out when I think I have the time when realistically speaking, I might’ve double booked myself trying to be there for everyone. That pretty much packs me up.
I Just Like Being Alone
I enjoy the company of others and then I don’t. Having been told that I have the kind of personality that people can easily gravitate to makes me feel very good, however it can also feel overwhelming at times. It’s basically a feeling of always being needed. And while I love supporting and being there for others, I find it just as important to take the time out to replinish and be there for myself first. If I’m not whole with myself, I can’t possibly be whole for others. With that being said, I just love being alone. It’s true that everybody needs somebody. It’s true that everyone wants to give love and be loved in return, but I authentically enjoy being alone. I was never the one to get into long term relationships even when I desired it. There was always the thought in the back of my mind that I was too young for it. The thought of being too young came from my parents, my dad especially. I mentioned in one of my other posts that he straight up told me I was not wife material, and so I went on believing that I wouldn’t make a good wife to anybody for that reason. I never felt like I had anything to prove because he fed that to me as a fact. In the moment it hurt my feelings, but I am thankful for it now. I’ve always taken my time with things naturally. I take my time when I eat, when I am getting ready for something, shit I even take my time when I’m publishing content for yall. It’s been rather interesting dating in a generation with people who need everything in an instant. People seem to want instant sex, instant love, instant gratification, instant connection, chemistry and instant relationships. Instant just isn’t my speed. I’ve had much more success building long lasting friendships when I’ve simply taken my time with getting to know a person. Taking my time has helped me get to know guys more thoroughly than it has to assume that I know a person because they shared a few secrets with me or because I coincidentally met their mother while she was in the living room at the same time that I walked in. I enjoy not having to consider another person’s feelings if I want to go out with my friends, be it spirit of the moment or if it’s planned. More importantly, being single and being alone has taught me so much about myself. You have no choice but to figure out what makes you happy when you are the only person you have to please. Being alone has influenced self-empowerment, self-reflection, self-care and accountability. I believe without any of those things it would be difficult to make a good companion and even a good friend, to another person. Don’t get me wrong, there have been times when I was open and willing to share myself with another person, that comes maybe once or twice a year though, no lie. Committment isn’t something I fear, nevertheless, it’s not something that I can give to every single person that I meet either. My time, my body and my self are all precious. I’m very picky with who I share with. There are always guys who say they understand me wanting space and wanting to be alone yet, if they don’t know me well enough my longing to be alone could be mistaken for rejection whether its communicated or not. That puts me in an awkward position. So consequently, I always stress the importance in taking the time out to really get to know a person.
I’ll Probably Be Single Forever
Okay okay maybe not forever ever lol. I love love and what love has to offer. I’m just waiting to be in love and love at the right time, the right way. To wrap this all up, I like my space. I can be distant, I can disconnect at any moment and sometimes I just like to have me all to myself. My disconnect may last a few hours and then there are times when it could last a few days. To keep it hunnid with yall, I don’t even talk to my parents everyday, let alone every week sometimes. I just be in my own world. Earlier I spoke on being realistic and in regard to that term, I know that this ideal of having that much space when dealing with someone is pretty far-fetched. I’m willing to compromise when need be but at the moment I’m not actively looking for a boo, bae, hubby, dude or anything. I’m enjoying me right now. Ain’t no friends with benefits either for those who think that’s what I’m saying – no judgement to those who do it. I’m super fond of being able to freely converse with different guys about their thoughts about life, other women and even my blog without feeling bad about it. I love doing what I want when I want and not have to run my plans by anybody. I love talking about controversial shit without obligating myself to consider another person’s feelings, opinions and how they’ll feel about it. When I need to be away from the outside world, I love ignoring my texts and calls when I don’t feel like talking because as a single woman, I can do just that lol. I like setting the tone on dates/outings. ESPECIALLY when a dude tell me he’s not looking for anything serious, that’s my que to make it clear that if we’re friends, then we’re just friends. Simple. You better know the distance going to come with that organically. Man there’s just so many benefits and perks to being single and I love them all lol. I encourage all of my friends whether male or female, to spend time alone especially after getting out of a relationship. Not knocking anybody’s desire to have a companion but as I always say, it just ain’t my time yet. I aint rushing shit for a soul. There’s plenty who want to go the serious route but I refuse to settle for anything less than an overwhelming feeling of feeling like a nigga is the one. One day I’ll do the settling down and building thing; for now I’m enjoying all that the single life as to offer.
One day I’m going to put out this book yall been asking for. One of my favorite chapter’s that I’ve been working on is called “Mommy’s Baby Daddy”. Can you guess what its about?
I hope you didn’t think I was about to tell you. You should know better than that lol. The new post coming soon.
p.s – I’m not crazy. Kill that noise. Also, I don’t literally mean that I’ll be single forever, I just reallly do love being alone lol.
Britany / Big Booty Chronicles.